Are good people meant to suffer?

By Neeti Paul Sethi

Why do good people, who are always trying to do the right thing, usually end up suffering the most?

Do they deserve to suffer? Do they deserve to be taken for granted and treated unfairly? 

Well I have two theories about this.

The first one is the karmic circle of life lessons. Most of us believe in rebirth and karma. Now, when in-between lives, we get to choose our lesson and circumstances for the next birth (out of limited choices of course). Depending on what lesson is most important to our soul, our lessons are pre-selected by us, thus pre determining a set of obstacles we are bound to encounter in that life. Obviously, we forget it while living that life. Hence, resorting to self-pity and wonder what we did to deserve those harsh circumstances that we ended up encountering. We forget that we chose that path, that life plan. It is nothing but a plan towards a specific goal. But while living it doesn’t make sense. It does eventually, for some. And some remain lost till the end of time, till they finally find their peace, which was the goal all along.

Not a lot of people would be a fan of this theory. Because let’s face it, who likes to hear that they had a hard life because they deserved it? Even if due to a past life karma (or several).  And the fact that they chose their current circumstances, sounds even more absurd.

So, let’s move on to the next, more believable theory.

My second theory is that being kind makes one so empathetic and positive that they just don’t realize that they are being treated unfairly, for a very long time. By the time they understand the gravity of the situation it’s either too late or a pattern has been established, they have made others too dependent on them, and they don’t know how to say ‘no’ anymore. The concept of not helping others is so alien to these people that they would prefer physical and emotional damage to their body and mind respectively, over being at peace and maintaining boundaries. The concept of boundaries is lost on them. They do too much and secretly expect at least appreciation in return if not anything else. And when even that is denied, it hurts them. But they are too nice to even express their hurt. They go on till they can’t anymore. And then it is mostly too late for them to take a stand. By then most life & joy has been sucked out of them and whatever is left, they are incapable of dealing with it anymore. 

These theories can be completely wrong or maybe they actually make a little sense. This is completely open to individual judgment. Whatever makes sense to people, and makes it easier for them to live, is fine by me. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and theories. But I do hope this helps provide some perspective. 

For me however, these both theories are interconnected, and both make sense to some extent. The karmic one involves the laws of universe being at work. I always love imagining things from ‘beyond’. So, it’s definitely more fascinating. 

While, the ‘being too nice to realize the fault of others’ is a reality I have witnessed far too many times to deny its existence. I am sure we all know someone who is ‘too nice for their own good’. Maybe we find glimpses of this in ourselves too. That explains why we relate so well. 

Sometimes you see things clearly for others while being completely ignorant when similar things are happening to you. That’s how a human brain works. We are excellent preachers. We know the right thing for others. We know exactly what one did wrong and what they should have done instead. But when it comes to our own life, we are clueless, lost even. It’s harder to view our life as simply as we tend to view others’ life. Maybe our own complex emotions and wavering mind interfere in the process. No matter how complexly we end up viewing our situation, the solution is usually a simple one. Only a little bit of clarity and action is required (which we are apparently an expert at displaying – at least for others)

Well, I would like to end with a hope and some words of encouragement. Hence, I conclude that no-one has to suffer just because they are nice. They can lead a joyous life if they end up realizing their worth and learn to enjoy the process without feeling victimized. When one learns to make peace with their situation and attempts to get through a hard phase with gratitude and a positive mindset (lots of help is available these days to achieve this), they can still lead a great life, while striving to get through their life lessons, and being kind to others without receiving any acknowledgment. It is possible. We just need to call upon that inbuilt joy within us. It is enough to get us through. Mostly we are enough for our own selves. We just have to realize that and then hold on to that feeling.