Stop chasing unicorns

By Neeti Paul Sethi

When my people go through a tough phase in their life, especially regarding relationships, I rarely offer advice. I do try to hold space, to facilitate the processing of their emotions.

But I try my best not to judge either of the people involved.

I try to listen. I try to make sure they feel heard and understood. I want them to know I’m not going anywhere. I’m settled in for the ride, feeling and healing along with them.

Whether it’s a conflict with friends, spouses, exes, parents, or anyone else, no one can ever claim to have a 360-degree view on the matter.

I think relationships are just too nuanced for any of us to truly know someone else’s. No one knows the dynamics of a relationship except the people who are in it. And even those two people know it from only their point of view.

If you’re going through something, I’m afraid I might not have answers. But if I have to give one piece of advice, I will say this…

Stop chasing unicorns!

To chase unicorns is to spend your time dreaming about a fairy tale ending, at the expense of something beautiful already existent in your life.

To chase unicorns is to miss out on precious moments, because you’re always looking back at, or forward to some version of you that doesn’t exist anymore.

To chase unicorns is to keep wishing and hoping to the point that it becomes unhealthy, to expect a person to change even when they don’t want to.

To chase unicorns is to keep pursuing a deeper bond with someone who doesn’t want it.

It’s not unnatural to hope. We all dream about the miraculous transformation of someone we love at some point. Hoping they would become exactly what we want them to be. But the problem is, it’s them who should want these things!

We live in a world of free will. We cannot manifest from both ends. Our control is only on what we can do or be. Trying to control what others turn out to be is absolutely foolish, if not insane.

However, we often do hold some influence and we can do everything in our capacity to use it positively. But if there is no acceptance or reciprocation, it might be a lost cause. We need to realize when to give up and accept that it’s not our problem anymore. Our forced sense of responsibility towards someone might just push them away. It’s better to pay attention to our prime responsibility which is toward ourselves.

I may not know what you should do,

but I do know what you deserve.

You deserve more than a life of chasing unicorns.

You deserve to be loved and valued.

You deserve to have a voice in your relationships.

You deserve to be let in.

You deserve vulnerability and connection.

You deserve to be seen for the person you are…the authentic, incredible you, not the one you are pretending to be because you think it’s a more acceptable version.

You deserve to know you’re wanted and supported and that you don’t have to face the world alone.

You deserve to have the people you love stay curious about you, have faith in you, and stick around through every change and every season.

These are some of the things I believe you deserve, we all deserve!

And, if you believe it too, you’re going to be just fine.